If you’re dreading Valentine’s Day because it feels like a spotlight on what’s missing in your life, you’re not alone. I used to feel the same way—until one year, I did something unexpected. And it made a surprising difference.
The Moment I Realized a Needed a Valentine... from Myself
It was February of 2017, and I found myself sitting on my couch, alone yet again, feeling sad and sorry for myself. I was thinking about Valentine’s Day coming up and felt down that I didn’t have a romantic partner to celebrate with.
In that state of mind and heart, it seemed like everyone but me was in a happy relationship or ideal circumstances (delusional, I know). But that’s where I was.
I spent more than a few days wallowing in my sadness and loneliness, and then I got an idea: I decided to send myself the loveliest Valentine’s card and love letter I had ever received.
Yep, I was going to send a card to myself.
It Felt Silly—But Also Kind of...Right
At first, it felt ridiculous. Who does that? But I didn’t care, and no one else needed to know. Plus, deep down, I knew I needed it.
I needed to hear the words I longed for someone else to say to me. I needed to feel special, even if no one else was stepping up to the plate.
So I hunted down the perfect card, took it home, and wrote the most heartfelt message I could muster—everything I had ever hoped to hear from another person.
I sealed it, addressed it to myself, and popped it in the mailbox.
When the Card Arrived, Something Surprised Me
A few days later, when it arrived, it felt surprisingly... good.
It wasn’t the same as having someone else affirm those things for me, but it didn’t feel fake or flat either.
In fact, it felt like a lifeline. The words felt true.
It was a small but powerful reminder that the love and validation I am waiting for can come from within me.
Stop Waiting for Someone Else to See You
I didn’t know it at the time, but that little Valentine’s card was the start of something bigger.
It taught me that while it’s wonderful to receive love and affirmation from others, there’s something even more important: learning to give it to yourself. Just because the words were coming from me didn’t make them any less true.
Are You Stuck in the Waiting Game?
How often do you spend your life waiting?
Waiting for a partner to say the right thing.
Waiting for a friend to really notice how much you’re struggling.
Waiting for someone, anyone, to validate your worth or make you feel special.
And when it doesn’t happen, you feel unseen and unimportant. You withdraw even further from your relationships, bitterness and resentment creeping in.
And when it does happen, you just end up deflecting it!
Ugh. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves you lonelier and lonelier.
What If You Stopped Waiting?
What if you stopped trying to get something that others aren’t willing or capable of giving?
What if you gave yourself the love and care you’re so desperate for?
I’m not saying this replaces the need for connection with others (let’s be real—we are social mammals, and we do need real connection from people). However...
When you’re emotionally available to yourself:
You show others how to love you.
You live more from a place of abundance than lack.
You show up in your relationships with contentment and trust because you know you’re going to be okay.
You know you are already loved.
And here’s the thing: it’s way easier to attract meaningful connections when you treat yourself with the same love and respect you desire from others.
Your Relationships Mirror the One You Have With Yourself
Let me put that another way:
The types of relationships you attract mirror the relationship you have with yourself.
If you’re feeling unseen this Valentine’s Day—or any day—consider this your nudge to show yourself some love. Below are a few ideas to get you started.
4 Ways to Practice Self-Love
1. Send Yourself a Valentine
Yep, I’m serious. Head to the store (or your fav stationary website), find a card that speaks to you, and write yourself the kind of message you’d love to hear. Don’t hold back—this is your moment to celebrate all the things that make you amazing. Seal it, stamp it, and send it. When it arrives, take a moment to really soak it in.
2. Create a “Love Me List”
Every night for the rest of February, write down one thing you appreciate about yourself. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking. Maybe you handled a tough work conversation with grace or made it through a chaotic morning without losing your mind. By the end of the month, you’ll have 28 reasons why you’re worth celebrating—and a much clearer sense of your own value.
3. Say “No” Without Guilt
Self-love means protecting your energy. This month, practice saying no to one thing that doesn’t align with your needs or values. It could be an event you’re not excited about or a task you don’t have capacity for. Saying no creates space for what matters most—and reminds you that your time limited and precious.
4. Reach Out to Someone Else
Loneliness shrinks when we take small steps toward connection. Think of someone in your life who might need a little love—a friend, a coworker, even your neighbor. Send them a quick text, drop off a small gift, or (if you’re feeling bold) mail them a Valentine. Send them a message that would make their heart happy. Giving love is one of the fastest ways to feel it.
This Valentine’s Day…
I hope you’ll do something different. Instead of focusing on what’s missing or waiting for someone else to make you feel special, take the lead. Write yourself the love letter you deserve. Celebrate the little things that make you, you. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, connection, and kindness—just as you are.
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